Depressing Post. I just need to get some stuff out.

It's been weird. I was supposed to start mentoring to be a stylist on the 6th of January, but I pushed it out 2 months. I decided I want to look for something else. Hair makes me very unhappy. The lack of writing on my blog is just a small part of what it's affected. It's taken a lot for me to make this decision, but I physically cannot do it. It brings me so much stress and anxiety to the point where I get pits in my stomach even thinking about it. I don't know what I'm going to do instead, but I'll find something. It just can't be this. I've given it all I have.

I feel like once I find something else, I'll be much happier.

I'm having a hard time getting excited about the future these days. I feel like something in my life isn't "right". I really need to be happier, but the odds are against me. My mom and step-dad are no longer together as of recently. My mom decided she wants to be with his brother. This made the holidays interesting, but we made it work. Most of my family is in their own world. The only family member I've been connecting with lately is my brother. Which is nice, since we never really bonded growing up. I feel like I've kind of secluded myself from most of the world. I did end up deactivating my facebook. I think it's been about 2 weeks now.  And several months ago I made an Instagram account to get away from people I know in real life. I hate to say it, but that was mostly hair related. I couldn't handle all my hair friends posting their work all the time. Which is great for them. They love what they do. But for me, it brought attention to how I felt about hair. Maybe it's selfish, but I feel I had to do it for my well being.

I know I just "need to keep my chin up," whatever that means. I'm truly jealous of optimistic people. It's ok to be sad right?