I kind of just feel like writing. I've been watching House Hunters: Tiny House, and it's been inspiring to me. So I've gone through all of my personal belongings, and did a rough to medium rake through. I have stuff in a pile in the dining room for a garage sale. I definitely want to keep making rounds through my stuff until I'm as close to satisfied as I can be. I am a perfectionist after all.

Since, I've been working in the nursery, I've been buying even more plants than usual. However, I haven't put any of them in the ground. Daniel gave me a good idea though which is to make an asymmetrical semi-circle around my vegetable garden with a stepping stone path. I like the idea of keeping all my plants contained to one area. The idea of planning the entire yard really overwhelms me, and we wouldn't be able to afford it anyway.  I really want to fill it in with some sort of moss or mossy-ish ground cover.

Man, that show just makes me long for the tiny cabin in the woods with a nice garden. One day I'll have it.

Man

This is the most happy I've been in a very long time. I had my last day at the salon today. I also had my orientation at the nursery. It went really well! Even though I haven't had my first day yet, (I start Monday) I feel so good about this. My life feels "right" again. It's crazy how big of an impact a job can have on your emotional well being. I keep trying to put it out of my mind that I was hired as seasonal staff. But I made it clear in my interview that my goal is to work there long-term. I'm just going to work my butt off and see where that gets me. She did say that they do hire some seasonal staff permanently based on how hard you work. The lady who presented the orientation made me feel like I definitely have a chance. She was saying that most of the people they have now started as seasonal staff. I'm still just like in shock that this is happening. It's so crazy that for every other job I've had when I get my first schedule I've got a nervous/anxious feeling. This time I didn't get that at all. I was excited to get my schedule. I was even excited for orientation.

It's such a good feeling to imagine something in your mind that you want and then make it happen. I'm realizing I'm a very goal oriented person.

My next goal is probably my health. I really don't take care of myself. This one is going to be very hard for me, because I've "kind of" been trying to work on it, but there's very little evidence of that. I feel like I have been working at this, but I can't seem to take it seriously despite knowing I can do it. I've done it before. My biggest hang up is seriously beer. I love beer so much, but it's so, so bad for you. I just can't stop. It's such a big part of Daniel and I's life. I've tried telling myself only on the weekends, special occasions or when we hang out with friends, but I can't stick to it! I know if I could get my drinking under control everything else will fall into place. Because I really haven't been eating bad lately, I just can't stop drinking. I guess we'll see what the future holds!

More Difficult

I feel like I'm having a much harder time getting rid of things recently. I guess it's because its all things that I've bought within the last year or two. Most of them I paid full price for. I'm really mad at myself for straying from this lifestyle, and I'm not entirely sure why I did. I mean don't get me wrong, I still tried to kind of stick to being a minimalist, but I didn't try that hard. So since my last post, I emptied out the contents of the closet I actually use as well. Yes, everything is on my floor right now. The way I'm personally wired is that I need to have everything emptied from an area then put back what I want to keep. I feel like one of the issues I'm struggling with is not having space to put the things I'm thinking about getting rid of. Right now, they're in the hallway, which I'm sure Daniel isn't too happy about. But I really don't have anywhere else to put it. Also, this time around I don't have as much "useless" stuff.  I have a lot of hair tools, as well as extra make-up, hair products, jewelry, clothes that I won't be using now that I've decided not to do hair.  Last time, I had a lot of thrifted things that I didn't pay much for. Mostly clothes and decorations. So I'm thinking I'm going to need to have a garage sale.

It's very frustrating because as soon as I start trying to go through things, I keep stopping because I like or feel I "need" the item. I don't. It's so frustrating. I'm just going to have to keep working on it, little by little.

One Youtuber that I just discovered today, who is very inspirational to me is Jenny Mustard. She's Swedish, which everyone knows I'm a sucker for. She is also vegan, feminist and minimalist. I really appreciate her style.

Minimalism

 

So I'm going to start my decluttering process again. Since we've been in the house for, I'm just gonna say a year, I've started accumulating possessions again. Now that we have a house it's so easy to buy things, and forget about it. It isn't until you lay it all out that you realize how much you've actually accumulated.  I've been getting more into being environmentally friendly, and I feel like minimalism goes hand in hand with that. This has been my inspiration for getting back into minimalism. Now that I have a different job at a plant nursery (I haven't started yet though), I seriously already feel happier! I feel inspired to do things again. I'm excited to see what the future brings!

Trying to get it together

So I've spent the entire day updating my resume and applying to a job. I wanted to apply somewhere else, but they only accept .doc and .docx files (I sent the other as .pdf). I don't have microsoft word. So I was going to go to the library, but my car won't start. Seriously?! I'm trying to move in the right direction and everything is working against me. I know it's because it's cold, but still, it's not that cold out. It's like 44 degrees. I will say I'm proud of motivation though. I feel it's gotten better lately. Or maybe it's just my passion to change my current situation.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that. I am trying to change things to better myself and increase my happiness and well-being.

If either of these jobs ends up working out, I'll be so happy!

Depressing Post. I just need to get some stuff out.

It's been weird. I was supposed to start mentoring to be a stylist on the 6th of January, but I pushed it out 2 months. I decided I want to look for something else. Hair makes me very unhappy. The lack of writing on my blog is just a small part of what it's affected. It's taken a lot for me to make this decision, but I physically cannot do it. It brings me so much stress and anxiety to the point where I get pits in my stomach even thinking about it. I don't know what I'm going to do instead, but I'll find something. It just can't be this. I've given it all I have.

I feel like once I find something else, I'll be much happier.

I'm having a hard time getting excited about the future these days. I feel like something in my life isn't "right". I really need to be happier, but the odds are against me. My mom and step-dad are no longer together as of recently. My mom decided she wants to be with his brother. This made the holidays interesting, but we made it work. Most of my family is in their own world. The only family member I've been connecting with lately is my brother. Which is nice, since we never really bonded growing up. I feel like I've kind of secluded myself from most of the world. I did end up deactivating my facebook. I think it's been about 2 weeks now.  And several months ago I made an Instagram account to get away from people I know in real life. I hate to say it, but that was mostly hair related. I couldn't handle all my hair friends posting their work all the time. Which is great for them. They love what they do. But for me, it brought attention to how I felt about hair. Maybe it's selfish, but I feel I had to do it for my well being.

I know I just "need to keep my chin up," whatever that means. I'm truly jealous of optimistic people. It's ok to be sad right?

Facebook

I decided I’m going to slowly stop following people on Facebook. I would unfriend them, but that just seems mean. I’m realizing I care less and less about what people post on there. I’d consider deactivating it, but my job posts about meetings and things on there. Maybe once I’m actually a stylist I’ll think about it.

I feel like there's so much extra crap on there that I have to sift through, and it's really becoming not worth it.