Just Writing

The New Year is around the corner so naturally it's time to evaluate my life. One thing I definitely want to change is making more of an effort to be around my family. We are scattered, but still somewhat close by. I don't feel that close to any of my family anymore and I can't stand that. I want to work on actually answering phone calls instead of just letting them ring.


My second big thing I want to work on is drinking. I have gotten a lot better about it, but I'm still not happy with where I am. But I am definitely proud of my progress. I got a little crazy on Christmas Eve and it was a bit of a wake up call. I also ended up puking the other night (accidentally). That night really snuck up on me, and I definitely didn't mean to drink that much. I only had 4, but the higher ABV got to me. Anyway, I'm getting to old to still be doing this.

I want to try to act more mature too. I can get kind of upset if something doesn't go the way I want to. In addition to that, I want to focus on getting more stuff done around the house and helping Daniel with chores. We're both kind of lazy when it comes to the house. Not even necessarily cleaning, but fixing things when they break or there's an issue with them. But I'm proud of us, because our bathroom fan (in the one bathroom we do use, because the other two are messed up :/) broke about a week ago, but we fixed it today! So that's a step in the right direction.

I want to focus on being more present. Stop being on my phone so much mostly. I know I waste so much of my life on my damn phone.

And obviously there's always the health thing ;)

To recap for myself:

1. Spend more time with family
2. Work on drinking less/ focus on health
3. Take care of responsibilities
4. Be present

Hiking and anxiety

Lately, I've really been wanting to go on longer, more challenging hikes. We usually don't do any more than a mile (not my choice). It's just hard because Daniel never wants to go very far. I'm kind of scared to go on long ones by myself, but I would probably be ok.

I've been very VERY anxious lately and I really don't know why! Today's been the best day out of the last 4 or so. It's just come out of nowhere. Daniel thinks its school related, but I feel more anxiety about work for some reason. I tried to get more sleep last night and the night before which could be causing it. I took a vitamin and got enough sleep last night.

I believe I had an anxiety attack at work the other day which kind of started all of this. I was very sleep deprived (only like 7 hours in 2 days) and I felt very, very dizzy. And to top it off my right ear sounded muffled or something (which it still kind of does). I felt super shaky and my voice was shaky. My arm started to feel like it was going numb and I was having a hard time breathing and gripping things. Also, everyone was unloading a Christmas tree truck so I felt kind of alone on top of customers asking very complicated things. Long story short I was freaking out and I thought I may have to go home. When the other cashier came in it calmed me down slowly and I made it through the day. I guess I'm still kind of recovering.

I felt like I just haven't been myself lately and I've been overthinking EVERYTHING. Way more than usual. I'm trying to come back. Slowly, but surely.

This really isn't the best picture, but I was feeling a much needed moment of gratitude when I took it. Basically since I've started working in a nursery, and probably before that too, I've been feeling so bad about the condition of the yard. There's so many weeds and tree suckers everywhere. But at this moment I looked over the fence and saw how gorgeous the trees were on the other side. You can also see some haze to the air. There's smoke blowing in from North Georgia forest fires, which makes me ridiculously sad. We're in a drought right now. But anyway, I felt very grateful that this is my backyard. A lot of people don't have this gorgeous view.

I put a lot of work into that raised bed/flower bed area you can see in the picture today. And man it feels good. In the picture, it just looks like a typical leaf covered area. But today, I watered down the rock hard soil, tilled it up and added mushroom compost. I pulled out the mint and lavender in the raised bed and raked out a TON of old roots. I added mushroom compost to that as well. I put leaves on top to make another layer of compost and also to keep out leaves.

I'm going to completely redo that area in the spring. I need to actually get a plan together instead of just buying what catches my eye. Because realistically, that's everything. My idea right now is to do herbs in pots, and possibly use that raised bed for annuals.

I have officially been accepted to Gwinnett Tech! :) I went ahead and signed up for two classes: Small Scale Food Production and Woody Ornamental Plant Identification. I was going to sign up for soils, but apparently I need a prerequisite. They told me to wait until orientation, but I know how it works, so I just did those two for now since I have a high interest in those two areas. My orientation is a week from today. I have quite a busy end of year, but I'm looking forward to it!

Update

As of today, I'm waiting to hear if I've been accepted to Gwinnett Technical College for horticulture. I'm not really expecting to be turned down, because I doubt they turn down anyone. I can't wait to hear back though! I'm feeling very good about it. I did have a bit of apprehension prior to applying. It's unfortunate that I have my doubts based on my gender. It isn't a major that most women are interested in. From what I've seen, sort of being in the industry already, it's fairly male-dominated. (It's funny how I went from a woman-dominated to male-dominated industry.) I'm not exactly sure what I want to do when I get out, but I know I want to use plant knowledge.

I had been feeling down and worried about not getting hired over a man, but Daniel made me feel better about it. He gave me the courage I desperately needed to hear.

[Side Note: I was awarded Employee of the Quarter for the summer. It was such a pleasant surprise. I'm glad to know that my hard work is being recognized.]

I've also been struggling with deciding if I should get my landscape design certification or floral design certification, or if I even need to choose one. Right now, I've chosen general horticulture (being the third option). It could change. Right now, I feel that's the best option for me. 

I just remember a particular day when I was in hair school. I felt terrible. Crying, anxious, probably the lowest I'd ever felt. I can't remember if I could even get back to sleep or not, but I remember staying home that day, treating myself to breakfast at Waffle House, and designating that day to figuring out what I needed to do to make myself happy, because hair DEFINITELY wasn't it. I also remember that was around the same time that I had started doing research on forestry/environmental science careers. What schools offered the program, what jobs were available, how much schooling I would need for said jobs. I knew then, that I need to do something outdoors and dealing with science. It's been a process trying to figure out the right combination of science/outdoors to finally figure out that horticulture is what I'm passionate about. It's such a good feeling to think how far I've come with all this. 

I'm so excited to see where the future is going to take me (as usual). I don't know. I just like working towards new goals, new challenges, bettering myself. That's all you can do for yourself. Work on becoming your best self. 

0-0

I've been feeling quite overwhelmed with possessions. Shocker. Although I did go through about a quarter of objects that have been weighing me down mentally. I still have a bunch to go through. I think some of whats overwhelming me too, is that I don't have control over some things. Like the garage at all. Also, the kitchen. Mainly those two. I honestly would love to just have 4 place settings, barely any glasses, minimal appliances. But Daniel collects beer glasses and would never let me get down to just 4 place settings. What can ya do?

I almost feel like the longer I'm a minimalist, the harder it becomes (about 9 years now holy shit; although I've had these tendencies since high school). Because I've been down to barely any possessions before and know that I need a little more to be happy. Or at least I thought. I've been through cycles of buying and purging so often that it's hard to commit to serious minimalism. I use things temporarily, then I'm ready to get rid of them. I will say I have gotten A LOT better though. Now it's mostly plants that are the issue.

///

So now it's been a couple hours later, and I've finished going through the things I was talking about earlier. I still have a few items that I'm still deciding on, but for the most part, I've gone through everything. I moved most of my possessions into my closet, just to get everything in one place. I've been on a minimalist youtube video binge today and that was one of the tips suggested; to get everything in one area. So now, all you can see in my bonus room is my desk, a lamp and plants (including a shelf that has many plants on it.) I'm pretty proud. This is the most minimal I've felt in a while. It'll be a different story whenever I actually drop those items off at Goodwill. However, there are a few things that I need to try and sell. I really don't want to. I'd rather just cut my losses and donate them, but Daniel wants me to try and sell them. We'll see what happens. I rearranged my room too. I feel that's necessary sometimes.

Lately, I've been enjoying just hanging out at home and being lazy on the couch watching shows/documentaries. Usually, Daniel and I always go the mall area when we have time off together and just go to stores to walk around and occasionally shop. No wonder I struggle with buying things all the time. I think we both find comfort in it for some reason. I want to try and get away from that if I can. I know that's when I mess up the most.

Oh well, I feel like I've had some set backs that I'm still recovering from (namely hair school, and all the clothes, make up, tools, products associated with it). But I feel good about the future. Every time I go through a decluttering process, it opens my eyes to the things I honestly do use/don't use.

lol ok I'm way too drunk to keep writing <3

It's Fall. Sort of.

So not too much has happened lately in these parts. I did, however, pass my green shirt test!! Which I'm super happy about! This has been an EXTREMELY long process though! It took almost 3 weeks to get graded. On top of that when I found out I passed (I got a 93) and ordered my shirts, I found out my size is on back order...So who knows how long it's going to be before I actually receive my shirts. Very frustrating.

I've also set up my tattoo consultation, appointment, and paid the deposit. The consultation is in October and the actual appointment is in November. I cannot wait! We've also booked a cabin in Cherry Log, GA for our 4 year anniversary around that time. So basically, we're going to go on vacation, then I'll get my tattoo the day we come back.

I've been trying to not be on my phone as much lately. Having to cut back on data is mostly the reason. I've gone over on data the last two months and am getting tired of paying $90 for my phone bill alone. Daniel is on Google Fi and I'm on AT&T. Eventually, when the cancellation fee to monthly bill ratio becomes beneficial, I'm going to switch to Google Fi. Anyway, I basically went on a data diet and didn't use any data on my phone for a week straight. It was interesting, and almost habit breaking. I'm slowly trickling back by day 2, but I do think I'm doing much better than before. Disconnecting and bringing your focus to real life is definitely an eye opener. It's really crazy and sad when you realize just how much time you spend checking your phone. I used to not even have a cell phone until my senior year of high school and I got by just fine. I can't believe how dependent I've become.

The next few weeks I'm just going to be counting down to cool weather and indulging in everything pumpkin. After all, it is almost the best time of year. Right now, I'm dreaming of a chilly day tending to my garden in the morning, drinking something hot, then heading out to the observatory as it gets dark. Daniel hinted to me that he wants to get me a telescope for christmas. Honestly, I couldn't think of a better gift. I'm in a very spacey mood at the moment and currently listening to this.

Studying

So the last week was a good one. I got a lot of hours, and I've been studying to get my "green shirt" at work. When you start there, you have to wear a brown shirt. But if you pass a horticulture test, you get to wear a green collared shirt and suddenly become one of the employees customers come to for questions. This is going to be interesting for me though since I'm a cashier. I'm HOPING it will get me on track to start being an associate outside. Once fall hits, we're going to start seeing more business. My goal is to get my green shirt next week possibly or maybe the week after. I feel like I'll definitely be ready by the end of this upcoming week.

So I was talking to Daniel about it, and when I get my green shirt, I want to reward myself with the tattoo I've been wanting forever. I had been delaying this because of the placement. Initially, I wanted it on my forearm, then my inner bicep, but now I'm thinking on the outside. I'll have to give this more thought, but I know I want it. At work, we're not allowed to have any visible tattoos. But my sleeve would cover it.

Anyway, I'm super excited. I feel like my life is finally headed in the right direction. I love where I work, I'm in the right environment, I love the people I'm around at work, and my brain is being put to use every day. It's the perfect amount of science for me. Horticulture is the perfect field for my black and white brain. Once you learn something you're set. The information isn't going to constantly change like other fields. It's very comforting to me. Not only that, but I'm around what I love everyday. Plants are so relaxing to me. The other day a customer came in and she told me she came there "to relax for a little while." I was like damn and this is where I get to fucking work? I am so fortunate. The money isn't great, but I do love my job.

I'm so excited to see where the future is headed. But right now, I'm enjoying the present. That's the important part.

Boring Life Update

Life lately hasn't been too different. I've been working. Although my hours are significantly cut next week, which I'm not too stoked about. It'll be nice to have a little break, but the lack of money sucks. Apparently, nurseries are dead in the summer. Who knew? For me, now it's obvious, but to most people it's not. "It's just too hot to plant." I've neglected the garden. I tried to weed it some today, but I didn't get all of it. My spring flowering perennials have burned to a crisp. I tried to find out online if this is normal or just lack of care, but I couldn't find anything out. I'll have to ask someone at work. I'm going to have to plan better next year, instead of just buying whatever catches my eye. But, I know myself too well to know that's not going to work. I find a lot of things beautiful and it's hard to limit myself. You can't have it all.

ANYWAY, as you know I've been thinking about going back to school. As you also may know, Daniel and I had planned to open a home brew supply store. However, as of today, we both decided we're not ready for it. Right now, Daniel is going through what I've gone through for most of my life: finding where you fit in the world. I believe I've finally found my calling. Since I was a child, my biggest fear in life was not being able to find a career. Weird right? I was never that girl that dreamed of being whisked away by Prince Charming and living happily ever after. Husbands and kids were never something I really thought about. I believe that has something to do with the way I grew up. We grew up very poor. My parents divorced when I was 4-5 ish. My mom for the most part raised the three of us as a single parent. She dated here and there, and we were "getting by." Until my step-dad came along when I was 9, and really took us on as his own. But before then, I learned you can't rely on anybody but yourself. You have to put yourself (and kids if you have them) first. I believe it follows Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. My young brain was programmed to realize that safety (place to live and money to support yourself) come first.

If you've been following my blogs or know me personally, you would know that I have an Associate's Degree in business administration and am a state licensed hair designer. However, I have am not particularly interested in either one. And I absolutely have no interest in hair. That was honestly my biggest regret in life. I've been trying to find where I "fit in" in the world. And long story short, I believe I've found it with plants/horticulture. It's been so comfortable and "right" feeling. But it's been a journey full of wasted time and money. But I guess that's life. Live and learn. But, if I decide to go back to school, my business degree won't go to complete waste. I can put my classes towards my new degree and it will take half the time. But to be fair, I didn't have much to pay for my business degree. I had a scholarship that paid for most of my school (thank you HOPE). And it should still pay for the majority of my school if I choose to go back.

Coming back to my original point, Daniel is going through what I've been going through and is trying to find where he fits into the world career wise. In the spring, it's possible we'll both be going back to school together. For him, most likely IT/networking. He's a computer guy. That's what his friends do and are decently paid to do it. I really feel it's a good, solid fit for him. I'm really proud of him. I know it's taken a lot for him to hold off the business for now. But neither of us are ready for it. I honestly think it's the best for us and our future family. We'll see what the future holds, but for right now, I think we're headed in the right direction.

Closet



This is my closet currently. This is not my entire wardrobe, but more of my summer wardrobe. I do have some clothes in the laundry. However, the bulk of my clothes are in my actual bedroom. But they're in a "purgatory" pile. I've been trying to slowly sort though them. I do have some things isolated, because they're out of season but I feel it's not really fair to sort through those until the appropriate season rolls around. I also have a bunch of bags/purses/backpacks that are really, really cute, but I don't use them. That's perhaps the hardest type of item to get rid of.

I'm really happy with the way my bonus room is coming along. I still wish I had a better plant solution. I feel like the open storage looks kind of sloppy, but I can't think of a better alternative at the moment. (I am missing some air plants in the picture that are currently soaking.) I also have an extra orchid for my mom that I still haven't given her from Mother's Day. Oops. Anyway, I'm happy to be getting back into minimalism and conscious consumerism (is that a thing?). I have a pile downstairs that's almost ready for a yard sale. I can't wait until I've sorted through everything and that pile is ready to go. I feel like I'm like 3/4 of the way there.

Simplified Shopping

So for a while now I've found myself trying to only buy from certain stores or only certain brands. I'm sure it has to do with my love for uniformity (on certain things) as well as trial and error. It's kind of the whole Trader Joe's thing. Streamlining your buying options.

Right now, the only place I want to buy underwear from is Aerie for multiple reasons. Quality, fit, and the fact that they don't photoshop or airbrush their models at all. I really, really respect that. I've never been a Victoria's Secret girl. Within the last year, I finally gave them a try (surely it must be worth the hype). It definitely wasn't. Most of their stuff wasn't at all comfortable and extremely overpriced. It also fit me terribly. Luckily, Aerie is finally back at the mall after a year or two hiatus.

As far as clothes, for the most part all I've been buying is from H&M, Target, and the occasional Old Navy. I'm very done with Forever 21. From their shit quality, to their art stealing, and unethical labor. (H&M isn't the best either, but it's got to be better than Forever 21.) I do like buying second hand as well, I just haven't been as much lately.

As for make-up, lately I've only been using Nars, Sonia Kashuk, and some MAC. The MAC stuff I buy, could easily be replaced by another brand, but I'm just trying to use it up. The only eyeshadow I have it from urban decay. Honestly, I don't even use it that much. It's just for special occasions.

I have a couple perfumes right now that aren't derived from natural scents. After I use them up or get rid of them, I'm finished with that. I'm done with Bath and Body Works (except maybe for candles I haven't decided yet, I may just go to Yankee Candle if I really can't resist.) Since I've mostly stopped using the unnatural scents, they don't even smell that good to me anymore.

I'm going to try and stop buying cheap, shitty jewelry, since I really don't even wear it that much. It's been a long time since I've bought anything like that anyway. I pretty much only did for my old job and school. If I do buy anything I want to try and get it from Etsy. (Most likely only earrings).

Obviously, I don't stick to this 100% percent. This is more of an overview of what I tend to buy. I find that if I try to limit where I buy from, then I'm a lot less likely to make dumb purchases.

Packing Party Update

I had originally planned on doing only clothes and accessories, however I decided to just go ahead and take about 95% of everything in my bonus room (Daniel and I each have one but we obviously share the master bedroom) and put it in the master. These days I really feel like all I've been doing is moving most of my belongings back and forth between the two rooms. Anyway, I just went ahead and bagged everything up besides the things that I knew I definitely wanted to keep. So far, it's working out pretty well. I'm actually pretty amazed at how little I've pulled out of the bags. Wearing a work uniform definitely helps. When I get home from work, I basically put on pajamas. Unless, we go out somewhere. Even though, when I walk in our bedroom I see basically everything I own, I still feel less stressed out. When I go in to my bonus room, there's almost nothing. The closet is basically bare. I do have my make up in there, as well as a few pieces of clothes I know I want. I also have my record player and records in there. I don't think there's much besides that.

In other news, I've been working my ass off, and Daniel's been helping, on my perennial/butterfly/bee garden. It started off as a bunch of plants that I've accumulated in pots. I decided I wanted to take the next step and actually put them in the ground. Daniel came up with the idea of doing a semi circle with the vegetable/herb garden in the center. So, that's what we did. Today, I finished the bulk of it. Everything is done except the finishing details. We need to add mulch and add a border. I'm beyond excited. There are a few annuals in there, as well as a perennials. There's one though that unfortunately isn't doing that great. I really hope it makes a come back. But basically, I want to see what will come back next year, and replace whatever doesn't come back with a bee or butterfly plant. With how unpredictable and mild our winters have been, you really don't know whats an annual or perennial anymore.

When I initially bought the plants, I just bought them because I thought they were cool looking, but I really want to make the entire garden a pollinator garden. Live and learn I guess. Some stuff that I bought said that it attracted butterflies, but it doesn't. I'm honestly convinced that butterflies are very rare. It makes me sad beyond belief. I haven't seen any butterflies or hummingbirds in large quantities in a few years. Fuck you climate change. On top of that I've seen so many trees being demolished for road expansions lately. It makes me so fucking sad. I'll admit that I'm a tree hugger.

I'm wondering if people are slowly starting to realize that bigger isn't always better. I feel like you don't hear about people being in debt as often as you did a few years ago. I hope this is the case. I feel like our economy won't start growing again until all these debt gaps are filled.

Alright, well have had enough intoxicated writing for tonight.

:D

So guess what Daniel bought me? Well, I showed it to him and he ordered it, lol. Anyway, this is what I'll be anxiously awaiting for.

It's a crappy picture, but it's a night light thing that's supposed to look like an aurora borealis. I'm really stoked. It was only $23! We have Amazon Prime, so that helps. I'm just picturing chilling on the floor with my essential oil diffuser, listening to some Boards of Canada. It'll be heavenly.

Eventually I would like to buy this :

It's a home planetarium. You can buy different disks for it too. It's quite expensive, but I know it would be worth it for me. I also would REALLY like to get a telescope.

These aren't very "minimal" things, but it's all about what makes you happy. I know I would use the shit out of any of these things.

Soo..

I'm super happy, because I was asked to stay past seasonal at work! I was one of only two cashiers. The other girl is in high school, but will soon be out for the summer. So really there's only going to be like 3 cashiers. I'm so, so happy. Hard work is worth it. The other girl that's staying is interested in horticulture as well. However, she wants to go to school for floral design. In a way I'm a little jealous, because I wish I would've known what I wanted to do in high school. Well, I guess I kind of knew. For most of my high school career, I thought I wanted to do graphic design. Until I took a graphic design class. I didn't hate it, but I could tell I probably didn't want to take that career path.

So Daniel and I had a to heart to heart yesterday. Our plan has been to open a home brew supply store. Although really, it was more his dream than mine. Don't get me wrong, I love beer, but I feel like I've kind of lost my passion for it a little bit. I still absolutely love it, but it isn't the healthiest. Especially to make a career out of it. I expressed to him that it's his dream, but not necessarily mine. So it's possible I may go back to school for horticulture. There's a technical school basically down the street from me. It's funny it's the same school I was going to go to for hair, but got talked out of. Anyway, since I've already taken all my core classes (when I went for business) I would be able to transfer a lot of classes and finish very quickly. I should still have my HOPE scholarship too. I already have Daniel's blessing that he actually gave me pretty quickly. I want to do more research and be sure I'll actually be able to find a job in this field paying well enough before I pursue it. I'm just happy that I have my foot in the door at a very big and reputable nursery.

Also, I had the idea of selling terrariums in an Etsy store on the side. Start up wouldn't cost too much. I would just need to be able to find someone who will sell plants in bulk to someone that isn't a nursery. I've done very light research on it as far as finding suppliers. But I think it would be a cool way to put my hobby into making money. It's everything I love: plants, design, small spaces. Who knows if I'll actually do it or not, but I definitely like the idea.

Oh yeah I'm happy to report that I actually have been trying to get my health under control. I've lost 15 pounds from my heaviest. My heaviest being 150. I just weighed myself and I'm 135.2 I'm not even entirely sure how I did it. I guess working full time, lifting stuff, and working in the yard has to do with it. Also, I've been trying to eat better. Not snack as much or if I do, it'll be a healthier snack. Also, I've been trying not eat super late. I try not to eat anything else after dinner. My goal weight is 120. Or my ultimate goal weight being 115. I would accept higher if I have muscle. I'm just happy my weight has finally started moving down. For the longest time it wouldn't budge.

I got my hair cut yesterday by the girl who's work I really love. I used to go to her before I started hair school. She does such a good job. I asked for a long bob with lots of layers, but I wasn't really able to do it since I'm still working on growing out a giant chunk of hair. But she still managed to do exactly what I wanted. My layers were wayy too long and heavy.

"Packing Party"

So this an idea first coined by one of the writers over at "The Minimalists." The idea is pack up all your belongings, as if you're moving, and only pull out what you need. That way you can see what you really need and use. I'm going to try this, but not with all my belongings. Mainly clothes, shoes, accessories. I haven't decided if I'm going to do it with anything else yet or not. I've started the process, but I'm using trash bags instead since it's a little easier and I don't have any boxes. My clothes are where I have my hardest time being minimal.

I really don't know how I can "feel" like a minimalist, but have so much stuff. I know there's people who aren't minimalists that have less than I do without even trying. I think it's because I'm such a design oriented person. It doesn't help that I also get tired of stuff very easily. It's definitely a struggle. Although, I guess I've been better about buying things lately (well not plant related anyway). It's mostly just stuff I've accumulated while in hair school. By the way, it's amazing how much less laundry I have now. It's decreased by like 75%.

I think my goal is to get down to having a little more than I might have in a tiny house. There's no point in getting quite low enough to live in a tiny house, because I'm not going to live in one. I would love to though. Maybe not one on a trailer, but a little bigger.

stale and stagnant

That's kind of my feeling on life right now. I've felt very bored lately and can't seem to entertain myself. I'm working close to full time and still feel bored somehow. When I come home I really don't do much besides drink and sit outside. Nothing's been interesting lately. In one of my favorite songs, the lyrics are, "we must turn our boredom to gratitude." I should be trying, but it's hard! I'm the kind of person that needs to be stimulated. I need adventure. I don't know where to get that anymore.

On another note, I think it would be nice to live in a tiny house on some land in the mountains. It's kind of funny, because I feel like even though I own more stuff now than I used to when I was "super minimal," I'm more on board for living in a tiny house. I could make it work. I'm just tired of dealing with all the extra work associated with a house. Mold, leaks, edging, dealing with non-carpet floors.

Sometimes I feel like I see through people. Like I can tell who they are just by listening to them talk. Who knows if I'm accurate, but I feel like I have a pretty good idea. I kind of wish I didn't though. I like the mystery.

Well, I think it's pretty obvious that I've had too many to drink. It's a Friday night though, so at least I've got an excuse.

I kind of just feel like writing. I've been watching House Hunters: Tiny House, and it's been inspiring to me. So I've gone through all of my personal belongings, and did a rough to medium rake through. I have stuff in a pile in the dining room for a garage sale. I definitely want to keep making rounds through my stuff until I'm as close to satisfied as I can be. I am a perfectionist after all.

Since, I've been working in the nursery, I've been buying even more plants than usual. However, I haven't put any of them in the ground. Daniel gave me a good idea though which is to make an asymmetrical semi-circle around my vegetable garden with a stepping stone path. I like the idea of keeping all my plants contained to one area. The idea of planning the entire yard really overwhelms me, and we wouldn't be able to afford it anyway.  I really want to fill it in with some sort of moss or mossy-ish ground cover.

Man, that show just makes me long for the tiny cabin in the woods with a nice garden. One day I'll have it.

Man

This is the most happy I've been in a very long time. I had my last day at the salon today. I also had my orientation at the nursery. It went really well! Even though I haven't had my first day yet, (I start Monday) I feel so good about this. My life feels "right" again. It's crazy how big of an impact a job can have on your emotional well being. I keep trying to put it out of my mind that I was hired as seasonal staff. But I made it clear in my interview that my goal is to work there long-term. I'm just going to work my butt off and see where that gets me. She did say that they do hire some seasonal staff permanently based on how hard you work. The lady who presented the orientation made me feel like I definitely have a chance. She was saying that most of the people they have now started as seasonal staff. I'm still just like in shock that this is happening. It's so crazy that for every other job I've had when I get my first schedule I've got a nervous/anxious feeling. This time I didn't get that at all. I was excited to get my schedule. I was even excited for orientation.

It's such a good feeling to imagine something in your mind that you want and then make it happen. I'm realizing I'm a very goal oriented person.

My next goal is probably my health. I really don't take care of myself. This one is going to be very hard for me, because I've "kind of" been trying to work on it, but there's very little evidence of that. I feel like I have been working at this, but I can't seem to take it seriously despite knowing I can do it. I've done it before. My biggest hang up is seriously beer. I love beer so much, but it's so, so bad for you. I just can't stop. It's such a big part of Daniel and I's life. I've tried telling myself only on the weekends, special occasions or when we hang out with friends, but I can't stick to it! I know if I could get my drinking under control everything else will fall into place. Because I really haven't been eating bad lately, I just can't stop drinking. I guess we'll see what the future holds!

More Difficult

I feel like I'm having a much harder time getting rid of things recently. I guess it's because its all things that I've bought within the last year or two. Most of them I paid full price for. I'm really mad at myself for straying from this lifestyle, and I'm not entirely sure why I did. I mean don't get me wrong, I still tried to kind of stick to being a minimalist, but I didn't try that hard. So since my last post, I emptied out the contents of the closet I actually use as well. Yes, everything is on my floor right now. The way I'm personally wired is that I need to have everything emptied from an area then put back what I want to keep. I feel like one of the issues I'm struggling with is not having space to put the things I'm thinking about getting rid of. Right now, they're in the hallway, which I'm sure Daniel isn't too happy about. But I really don't have anywhere else to put it. Also, this time around I don't have as much "useless" stuff.  I have a lot of hair tools, as well as extra make-up, hair products, jewelry, clothes that I won't be using now that I've decided not to do hair.  Last time, I had a lot of thrifted things that I didn't pay much for. Mostly clothes and decorations. So I'm thinking I'm going to need to have a garage sale.

It's very frustrating because as soon as I start trying to go through things, I keep stopping because I like or feel I "need" the item. I don't. It's so frustrating. I'm just going to have to keep working on it, little by little.

One Youtuber that I just discovered today, who is very inspirational to me is Jenny Mustard. She's Swedish, which everyone knows I'm a sucker for. She is also vegan, feminist and minimalist. I really appreciate her style.

Minimalism

 

So I'm going to start my decluttering process again. Since we've been in the house for, I'm just gonna say a year, I've started accumulating possessions again. Now that we have a house it's so easy to buy things, and forget about it. It isn't until you lay it all out that you realize how much you've actually accumulated.  I've been getting more into being environmentally friendly, and I feel like minimalism goes hand in hand with that. This has been my inspiration for getting back into minimalism. Now that I have a different job at a plant nursery (I haven't started yet though), I seriously already feel happier! I feel inspired to do things again. I'm excited to see what the future brings!

Trying to get it together

So I've spent the entire day updating my resume and applying to a job. I wanted to apply somewhere else, but they only accept .doc and .docx files (I sent the other as .pdf). I don't have microsoft word. So I was going to go to the library, but my car won't start. Seriously?! I'm trying to move in the right direction and everything is working against me. I know it's because it's cold, but still, it's not that cold out. It's like 44 degrees. I will say I'm proud of motivation though. I feel it's gotten better lately. Or maybe it's just my passion to change my current situation.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that. I am trying to change things to better myself and increase my happiness and well-being.

If either of these jobs ends up working out, I'll be so happy!